Third.

I remember being in the Memorial Union at OSU when I found out that Caroline was just a twinkle in her daddy's eye and a peanut in her mommy's belly. I remember being so excited for Catherine and Audrey to be big sisters. I remember anxiously awaiting the arrival of this little baby, not knowing if she was going to be a William or a Caroline. I remember checking my email every five minutes, waiting to get one that said she had arrived. I remember getting an email with a subject line that read "It's a..." And it was a girl. But not just any girl. It was my Caroline Marie. My sweets.

Caroline Marie.

I remember meeting her for the first time. I played with the big girls while the little one napped. When she finally woke up, I snuggled her in my arms...smooching her sweet cheeks, taking in the warmth and joy that can only come from a newborn. Sweets had stolen my heart.

Snuggling my girl for the first time.

I remember celebrating her first birthday. She looked beautiful in her dress. She made a beautiful mess of the cake and still looked just as beautiful in her jams as she nestled into mama's lap to open presents (with the help of big sister, Audrey, of course). Lina-Loo was the life of the party.

It would appear that sister girl enjoyed her cake.

I remember when she first started walking. She was a "Franken-baby." Arms out wide, legs out wide...but she worked that floor like she owned it. Loo was the light of my life.

Ok, she's not walking in this picture, but she was right before it was taken!

What I don't remember is my girl growing up so quickly...

To my Caroline,
Today is your third birthday. I can't believe it's already been three years since you joined our world. I am so thankful that you did. You make me laugh and bring joy to me that is unimaginable. You love fruit snacks and Dora and love hanging out with Violet. You look up to Catherine and Audrey is your best friend and worst enemy. I love being a part of your life. Thank you for being exactly who you are. You're beautiful in every way. Keep shining, Loo Bear. Love you with all my heart.

Happy Birthday, Princess!

Day Seven.

March 25, 2011.

I don’t want it to be over. I’m not ready for it to be over. Why does it have to be over? It feels like we’ve only been here for two days…not a week. This morning, while the men hunted and gathered (aka – built/finished the shed for Jonas), we organized a lot at the base camp. We also got to deliver goodies to the Church school during their recess. Sweet little Rishna clung to me the whole time. So sweet. We made lunches for the guys, packed, and waited for them to come back. After a quick lunch, we loaded up the tap taps to head to Pastor Baland’s orphanage. Traffic was awful and it was miserably hot in the tap tap. On our way up the mountain, our tap tap overheated so we had to pull of. Thank goodness for Sam and Mike! Actually getting to the orphanage was crazy. Bad streets made it difficult, but boy was it worth it. The second we walked in the gate, the children clapped, screamed, and laughed. A sweet little girl was quacking like a duck and holding her arms out towards me. I scooped her up and Lovely’s feet didn’t touch the ground the rest of the time we were there. It was a joy getting to comfort her. There would be moments where she’d start to cry, so I’d squeeze her tighter, tell her that I got her, and love on her. For a while, she fell asleep in my arms. Melt. My. Heart. Leaving was difficult. As I went to set her down, she curled up her legs and shook her head no. when I finally was able to put her down, I kissed her cheek and told her that I loved her. She probably won’t remember me, but I’ll always remember her. A ride up a terrifying mountain road led us to the lookout, where we bartered like crazy for stuff. The lookout…whoa. I didn’t realize how high up we were…talk about terrifying. We headed home after and that was a fun car ride. I visited Francz when we got back. We exchanged contact info and he gave me his necklace. His is precious and will always be in my prayers. Dinner was so good and our final debrief followed. Craig bought a last minute painting for $5 that I said I liked up at the lookout. He asked me if I wanted to buy it, and I said I had $5 if he really wanted to give it up. He looked at it, handed it back to me, and said “Merry Christmas.” I started to pull my wallet out and he said no. Because he didn’t have anyone to give things to, he wants to give things to people every so often. Craig, you’re a good man and you’re greatly appreciated. Earlier in this entry, I asked why this had to end. It doesn’t. The only thing that’s ending is my time in Haiti. What I learned here, what I gained here, how I grew here, and how I changed here will always be with me. A big piece of my heart is and always will be in Haiti. I am 100% determined to come back. Between now and then, I plan to live each day with conviction. I plan to remain humbled. I plan to give each day to the Lord so that His hand is in all I do. I plan to pray for Haiti and it’s people. I plan to further develop my relationship in Christ and further develop the changes made in me. It’s not over. It’s just beginning. Thank you for everything, Lord. I love you and I am forever humbled. Thank you Haiti for allowing me to be a part of your world. I love it.

My sweet Lovely...

Day Six.

March 24, 2011.

I’m fairly sure everyone hit their wall today. It was funny. But aside from the humor of that, today was an emotional day for sure. This morning, after FINISHING THE PAVERS, we walked over to Jonas’ school, which is in a tent city. Wow. You hear about it, but until you see it, you don’t realize it’s magnitude. There are literally thousands of tents. Different animals roam the area (goats, dogs) and where there weren’t tents, it seemed like there was garbage. Just like everything else here, it reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for and it humbled me immensely. Thought pause: I’m listening to music as I write this and the song currently playing is “Hosana.” The bridge is so applicable to this moment/this journal entry/this week, so I’m writing it down: “Heal my heart and make it clean/Open up my eyes to the things unseen/Show me how to love like You have loved me/Break my heart for what breaks Yours/Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause/As I walk from Earth into eternity.” Those middle lines are so true right now. Okay, unpause. After we left the school, a few of us went to John and Debbie’s to paint the bakery. After we lunch, we watered and sanded the paths, with a little socializing in between. A small group of women from our team went to teach a women’s English class. Oh my gosh. That was amazing. Those women were so fearfully and wonderfully made. I felt like I left that place with five more mothers. They sang “Because He Lives” in Creole. Major goosebumps. They sang without a care. They gave their everything in their voices and hands. They had a conviction like I’ve never seen and I fell in love with each of them. Debbie told me that tomorrow, they would be going out to evangelize and bring people to a special service on Friday and Saturday. Wow. What an incredible thing. I have loved so much this week watching just how much God’s hand has been in everything. Literally EVERYTHING. Tonight was just a weird night because everyone is just done. The guys spent all day outside, on our hottest day yet, building a shed for Jonas’ school. Words can’t express how much I love this team. The guys are wonderful men of faith, and the women are of purest heart. We’ve bonded so strongly and there has never been a moment of conflict (that I know of). Again, the hand of God was on and in this. I’m so sad that our time here is almost up. I feel like I’ve learned and grown so much and I pray that I am able to maintain this as I go home. Two words: PRAISE GOD.

Tent city

Day Five.

March 23, 2011.

I waited until Thursday to journal about Wednesday because I was too emotional. The morning was rough. It was day three of pavers and I had reached my breaking point. I was done cutting, done laying, done having to wear tennis shoes that were covered in cement dust and water. I was a little mopey the rest of the morning, but I survived. Lunch came and went and then it was time to go to the orphanage. Tuesday night we were told that emotions tend to run high on orphanage days. Understatement of the century. We arrived and pulled into a gated- and cement-walled-off area. We watched little girls watch us pull in and I wasn’t sure how to feel. We handed out gift bags and listened to wild chatter in Creole. Then a girl asked Ezra about a tampon, and he turned to Megan. Megan had to have Jackie, a male compound worker, translate. The little girls’ faces were that of sheer terror. We played “down by the banks” and a similar Haitian game that had us count “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9.” When that was over, we made friendship bracelets. The biggest hit, though, were our cameras. Mine went missing for a while, which worried me, but I got it back and found pictures of the inside of their tents. How the girls live that way year round, I’ll never know. We walked down and started working on preparing their garden. I just spent time with the girls. When we started passing candy out towards the end, I was amazed at how quickly the girls switched into survival mode. They’d pocket candy or run it to their bed and come back, claiming they never got any. It was hard to watch. After distributing punching balloons, the worst part came…saying goodbye. I had grown close with two girls, Mishlo and Jaylan. I squeezed eight year old Mishlo and told her I wanted her to be my second carry on and that I loved her. I hugged 16 year old Jaylan multiple times, telling her she was beautiful and that I loved her. As I jumped into the tap tap, I looked at her and she started to cry. That’s when I lost it. I blew her a kiss, told her I’d never forget her, that I’d pray for her, and that I’d love her forever. As we drove away, I realized that these girls probably have to think that people are temporary. We come into their world for a while, then leave, and maybe even forget about them. But Carolyn brought up a good point at tonight’s (Thursday’s) debrief. Our interactions may be temporary, but that brief interaction brings them hope and reminds them that they are not forgotten. And I can honestly say that I will not forget any of the sweet faces and souls I saw. Debrief was emotional. The orphans had a deep and lasting impact on everyone. I think almost the entire team cried at one point or another. It was really special and really beautiful. If that doesn’t demonstrate to those girls that they are loved and never be forgotten, I don’t know what will. I can’t believe that we only have two days left. This week has gone by so fast. I have to come back. Obviously, that’s my plan, but it’s something that I’ll need to talk to God about. I’m amazed at my relationship with Him and I’m forever in awe of His work. God, thank you. Haiti and it’s people are some of Your best work. Thank you for bringing me here. I’m forever humbled.

The team with the girls at the orphanage

Day Four.

March 22, 2011.

I watched myself become a different person today. I literally feel shocked because of it. This morning, all I was ready for and expecting was Haiti day four. That’s not what I got at all. I was up super early…maybe that was an indicator. Time to prep my heart. Got ready, ate a simple breakfast, then lathered on sunscreen and bug spray as I prepared for a long day laying pavers. Before long, I was being trained on how to cut the pavers. Me plus a skill saw didn’t seem like the best idea initially. But God thought I could do it. So I did. I cut all but one paver, and that was the one I watched. Intense? Yes. Awesome? Yes. Then I was off to teach English to children at the Church school. What a blessing. Each child was fearfully and wonderfully made. I loved them all so much. After lunch, I was back to cutting pavers, leading us to complete one walkway. That was a sense of accomplishment, my friends. Quick rinse off before we were off to teach in the adult beginning English class. Again, it was a blessing. What beautiful souls they all have. Leading with Jake, singing with the Haitians, watching them sing/sign “Jesus Loves Me…” wow. God is so awesome. After class, I met Jenny (aka Jenny from the block). I adore her. At 15 years old, she is wise and beautiful. She wants to be a doctor and I fully believe that she can do it. Jenny, you’re in my prayers always. Keep voting for Jesus. After class and dinner, the team bonded together to finish the other walkway. It was too dark for me to cut, and Chris and I have to make more pavers in the morning, but the bond our team has finished what we could. I love this team so much. Debrief was awesome…after almost six months of struggling with the UN, it looks as though we may finally get the Church building tomorrow. PRAISE GOD! So how did today change me? I fell deeper in love with my Lord and Savior. I gained confidence. I found strength I never knew God had for me/had planned for me. I don’t feel sad. This is true happiness. God, you are awesome. I love you SO much.

Sweet Jenny

Day Three.

March 21, 2011.

You know when the Lord calls you to do something and you aren’t 100% sure about it at first? Yeah, that was me coming to Haiti. I was terrified about flying to a level four, third world country with people I don’t know. I hated that I would have no communication with my family, friends, or Daniel. But I kept my trust in Him and here I am. Day three is now over and there are three major (obviously more) reasons why I know beyond a doubt that the Lord called me here. One: being here doesn’t feel unnatural. I feel like I was 110% supposed to come here. Two: this team has become a family. We laugh, we share intimate details, we’re honest, we love the Lord with all we have. It’s awesome. Three: I’ve gone three days without speaking to anyone at home. That’s a record. Yes, I miss them, but I really don’t mind that we haven’t been able to communicate. God has been doing some huge work in my life and I am beyond thankful. Today was long. Woke up, got ready, had some delicious oatmeal (with trail mix). After that, I spent three hours laying pavers. Three words: hot, tedious, annoying. Levels, hammers, sand, wood…words I hope to never hear again. Lunch was sandwiches. Basic, but for whatever reason, delicious. I went to the house after to help put together things for the orphanage. Hygiene bags, hair accessories, candy, cute bags…little things, but all hold big plans created by the Lord. It’s awesome. Varnished the bathrooms when we got back. That was a smelly, sticky, hot mess. Helped with little things around the compound after that. Dinner was spaghetti, salad, and bread…so good. After dinner, we all dashed outside for foursquare, Frisbee, and fun. Unfortunately, we were out no longer than five minutes when a truck full of boys ruined our fun. But not to worry, we played some serious bologna and UNO to keep us laughing. A great debrief led me to finally express my fear of an MS relapse while here. I was prayed over and it brought me to tears. Two months ago, these people were strangers. Tonight, they became more than I asked for or expected. To me, that’s a huge God-thing. These last two days have been difficult because of elections. We haven’t been able to leave to the compound, except to go to the house, for safety reasons. I understand, but I’m ready to see more. God, I don’t know what you’re doing, but I like it! Keep up the good works ☺ I love you!

Beginning the big project...

Day Two.

March 20, 2011.

First full day in Haiti. It got "cold" last night, which surprised me. But I wasn't about to complain because I knew it was going to get warm later. We slept with the door open to keep it cool. Only disadvantage (besides me being freaked out because my bed is right inside the door) is that when the sun rises at 5.30, it floods the dorm with light. I was up with the sun, so I began making lists. After people started moving, I got ready for Church (love those military showers). I wasn't sure what to expect from Church this morning besides well-dressed Haitians and a three hour service. But whoa. You know how the Bible says "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them"? Well, God was SO present today. As I watched the Haitian congregation worship in Creole without hesitation, it made me think. These people, who have next to nothing, have all they need because they have God. The shout and clap and sway and don't care who says what. They come as they are. They worship with a child-like heart. Why can't I do that? I'm embarrassed by my bad voice. God doesn't care as long as I'm lifting my voice to Him. During Church, I turned around to say hello to three little giggling girls behind me. As I extended my hand in greeting, they took it and didn't let go. They stared at it and picked at it. My guess was that they'd never seen skin that fair before. I invited them to come sit with me. There were kids surrounding us during service and all of them were little sponges. They loved pens and paper and drew for us or practiced writing. God did some of His best work with these kids. After Church, we socialized. I met five teenage/young adult Haitians who were awesome. Francz (who is 24, was born on Valentines day, and is one of our compound guards), Emanuel (drummer for the worship band and Francz's cousin), Peter, Jerry, and a long French name that starts with F but I can't remember. After that, we headed in for lunch. Work was done around the compound (doors, windows, walkways) between lunch and youth group. Youth group was SO fun. We sang, prayed, and discussed what we'd do if we were scheduled to get married at four but at 3.55, our mother needed to be taken to the ER. We also discussed, by request of the youth, differences between America and Haiti. Traffic and weather came up, as did fast food, which couldn't even be conceptualized by the Haitians. We learned a couple Haitian songs, then it was time to play. That was a blast. Foursquare, soccer, frisbee...I tell you what, they take soccer seriously. Skirts, bare feet in gravel...doesn't matter. I had a blast with them. We got yelled at to come in (bummer), so the Haitians left and we headed in for dinner, hilarious conversation (spin the bottle), and debrief. Bed around 9.30. I love this team. I love these Haitians. I love love LOVE the Lord and what He's doing.

Sweet little ones at Church

Day One.

March 19, 2011.

First day in Haiti. As we waited and slept on the floor of the Miami airport after long travels, it seemed almost surreal to think that our next stop would be Haiti. We boarded and discovered we were sitting in first class, which made all the travel seem a little less horrible. As we started the descent, you could see the beauty of God's creation. The closer we got, the more the devastation became apparent. Getting through the airport was crazy. After a luggage mix up and a few "vultures," we loaded up into the van and headed down a road that has NO traffic laws. Upon arrival at the compound, we settled in and spent some time with Haitian students. Lunch and a tour of the compound followed. After that, we spent over two hours sorting out seeds. Hundreds of thousands of seed packets. It seemed like we barely made a dent. We then had our rules meeting, followed by a rousing game of uno and a delicious dinner. By this point, everyone was exhausted and started getting ready for bed. We all cuddled into bed around eight. God is already working big time in me. Though I was a little unsettled and overwhelmed, He has calmly and lovingly wrapped His arms around me, making me more confident and calm then ever before. Wow, Lord. You do some mighty fine work. Thank you.

Flying into Port-Au-Prince

Looking Back.

I realized that at this time a year ago, I was on my way to Haiti. It's hard to believe that a year has passed since I was amazing blessed by that amazing country. To reflect on that time, I am going to post my journal entry from that day on the day it was written a year ago. I miss Haiti...and I can't wait to go back.

Mwen Renment Ayiti!

Word.

Today is "Spread the Word to End the Word" day. If you haven't already, visit this website and make the pledge to end the use of the r-word.

Like so many other words in our society, the word "retard" or "retarded" is derogatory and hurtful. I have a 28 year old sister who has spent her life having to deal with the ignorance of others who don't care to understand or get to know her simply because she looks different. Yes, she has Down syndrome. But she's just like everyone else. She simply wants to be loved and accepted for how she is. And I tell you what my friends, she is a prime example of someone who loves and accepts people for exactly how they are.

I urge you to do the same by making the pledge and spreading the word to END the word.

I made this video this morning to give people a glimpse of who my sister really is and how hurtful the r-word can be. Let's make it our goal to make the new r-word "respect."